VBB 306: Beth Hildbrand - Bald! I Felt Like An Alien!

Intro [00:00:01]:

Virgin Beauty Bitch Podcast: inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts, Christopher and Heather.

Let's talk, shall we?

Christopher [00:00:20]:

Beauty, what does beauty mean to you? How does it affect your life? Is it something you have? Or is it something you create? Over the next few weeks, we'll be looking deep into the eyes of beauty on a personal and social level. Today, we get personal with Beth Hilbrend, a US Army veteran, cancer survivor, CEO, and founder of Resilient Stars Marketing. Beth, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch and our beauty series.

Beth Hildbrand [00:00:52]:

Hey, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. Thank you for inviting me.

Christopher [00:00:56]:

Now, Beth, I caught some of your videos on YouTube as you fought the fight of your life with cancer. One video in particular caught my attention when we were doing this series, putting the series together, and it's where you give up something precious, a piece of your identity, your beautiful hair. What was the backstory leading up to that deeply emotional day for you?

Beth Hildbrand [00:01:20]:

Well, I tell you that, and the reason why I did that specific part of my cancer journey, separate from all the rest, is because I think that was probably the most traumatic part of being diagnosed with cancer. And that. That sounds crazy, but, you know, cancer, we immediately get scared. Like, we think about dying early or getting really sick. But to lose your identity is even more threatening, and you don't realize what that means to you when you're completely stripped of it. So everything that you identify yourself with, every aspect of who you are, is wrapped up in that person that we see in the mirror every day. And we don't really know or understand our relationship with that person until they're gone. Then, we start to analyze what's left.

Christopher [00:02:26]:

You know, why your hair? Why was that such a powerful departure of your identity? Why your hair? Like, I'm sure you lost weight and other things. Why was your hair so riveting and moving for you?

Beth Hildbrand [00:02:42]:

Well, your hair is your constant, you know, it doesn't matter how much your weight goes up and down. It doesn't matter how you feel, feel that day. It doesn't matter what you're dressed in. Your hair is always there. It's just a part of you. It's an extension of your personality. And so it's more a part of your mentality, of your personality, if that makes sense. It's hard to describe what it feels like to have that stripped away.

Beth Hildbrand [00:03:17]:

And I guess I summed it up the best I can in that video, and I felt like an alien in my own body. Like, I had no control over what was happening to me. I knew I was going to lose my hair, but I had to figure out how I could maintain some of the emotional control of what was happening to me. So when I started chemo, I knew that it was only going to take, you know, two or three weeks or so, and my head full of hair was going to be gone. And I had to sort of process what that was going to be like. And so for two or three weeks, it was, like, all I could think about. And so I knew after my second treatment, I believe it was, I knew that that's when it really starts. Two weeks later, after the first treatment, my head started feeling tingly and kind of itchy and irritated, and it's kind of a gross feeling, and you just couldn't stop but touch it.

Beth Hildbrand [00:04:27]:

And I remember one night watching tv, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, just kind of running my hands through my hair and, you know, hair would come out, but I just kind of, like, dusted off beside the chair. I went upstairs and came back downstairs the next morning, and there were piles of hair on both sides, and it was dark, so I didn't even realize. So it was really the next day. I said, you know what? I'm going to just take control of this situation. It's driving me crazy, and I'm just going to do something about it. I woke up that morning, and I took a long shower. I learned from a YouTuber that there's an actual process that you could do to help get it all out. And it's just massaging it in the shower with conditioner and running a fine toothcomb through your hair as much as you can until it doesn't come out so much anymore. And I did that, and I got out of the shower, and I was bald.

Beth Hildbrand [00:05:36]:

I was. It was insane, and I was in shock at that point. So I went down to my boyfriend. He works from home, and so he was in his office, and I looked at him and just fell apart. And I said I'm gonna have to shave it now. Sorry. So I sucked it up. And buddy was so sweet.

Beth Hildbrand [00:06:15]:

He just, whatever you want to do, whatever. Whatever you need me to do. So I said, I want to document this moment in my life because maybe one of my family members or somebody out in the world is going to need to see this experience and know they're not alone and know that it's okay to be pissed off about it. So I filmed it when he was shaving my head. And that was the video I shared on my YouTube channel. And I didn't tell my kids that I filmed it or anything. I let them know that I was doing it, but I didn't know that I was. They didn't know I was videoing it.

Beth Hildbrand [00:07:08]:

So I just kind of set it aside. I wasn't ready to release any of what was going on to me in public at that point. Everything happens so quickly when you're diagnosed. Like, it's just a whirlwind of stuff that happens to you, and I think you're in shock most of the time anyway. So, um, once I finally got through chemo, and that was rough, I was sick a lot. I did lose a lot of weight, but, um, the. The nausea medicine really helps with that. But it's quite an experience, and I share a lot of those details in my cancer story video as well.

Beth Hildbrand [00:07:53]:

But losing my hair was something that I couldn't hide. You know, I can hide my cancer. I can pretend that I'm feeling well and sitting here talking to you. You don't. You have no idea. I look healthy. I have a lot of pain left over. My memory lapsed.

Beth Hildbrand [00:08:12]:

It drives me crazy. You know, I still have side effects, but you just never know what people are going through. And they can hide a lot. But without your hair, there's nothing to hide behind.

Heather [00:08:26]:

Thank you so much for sharing that really pivotal moment in your journey. I find, like, your words and how you decided for yourself, like, that you wanted to claim that moment, and you did what felt right for you to massage your scalp and make that choice rather than waiting for more to fall out. How did that feel for you? I mean, I'm sure it sounds like it was a shock to the system just to see the aftermath, but, like, to say this is, like, there are still choices that I can make within this circumstance that I'm in. Was that? How did that feel for you?

Beth Hildbrand [00:09:12]:

Yeah. And I had to play out that scenario in my head over and over again before I came to that moment just so that I could kind of mentally prepare myself for my reaction. I knew it was going to be shocking to see me bald in an instant, so I decided I had a plan going into it. I said, you know what? I'm not going to sit around and cry about it. I'm not going to crawl back in bed and throw the covers over my shoulder or over my head and cry about it. I said I'm gonna claim it. I'm gonna put a sexy dress on. I'm gonna put my makeup on.

Beth Hildbrand [00:09:51]:

I'm gonna even wear some fancy eyelashes, and I'm gonna claim this shit. I'm gonna just own it. And so I did. As soon as Buddy was done buzzing my head, I put my makeup on, put my lashes on, put a sexy dress on, and took pictures. I said, this is the newie.

Christopher [00:10:14]:

I was just reading an article that was talking about hair and its meaning specifically to women. And this thing that you just mentioned there of putting on a sexy dress, something that made you feel your femininity, your hair externally represents that for you. Can you relate to that word and that feeling that you had after looking at yourself, as you say, like an alien?

Beth Hildbrand [00:10:44]:

Yeah. I really didn't feel like I was from the same planet as everyone else because now I'm not the same as everyone else. I mean, we are all unique and special in our own ways, but you never really know the depth of that until you're stripped down of your outer identity, and all you have left is what's inside.

Christopher [00:11:15]:

I want to ask you this. Before that situation, before that day, would you say to yourself, I am a beautiful woman?

Beth Hildbrand [00:11:25]:

Yeah. Funny you should say that, actually. I have recently started working with a business coach and consultant just to help me stay on track and stay focused because my mind is all over the place with chemo brain. It's just hard to focus on anything. But he's recently had me start doing affirmations in the mornings at least two or three times a week. And I felt funny about it and kind of didn't want to do it for a while. I was like, oh, it's kind of weird, but I started doing it, and the first couple of times, I was like, okay, well, that wasn't so bad. It kind of makes me feel a little bit better, you know? So this morning, I really got into it and actually videoed myself in front of the mirror doing it.

Beth Hildbrand [00:12:14]:

And I was like, wow, that was really good. So it sounds silly, but those affirmations tell yourself, Beth, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm classy, and I'm kind, and I love the value that I have to offer others. So now I like it. I think I'm hooked.

Heather [00:12:40]:

It's amazing how powerful those are. I couldn't agree more that the first little while, getting into affirmations can feel a little different. But once you get into them, I think they really make a big difference.

Christopher [00:12:53]:

It's interesting, though, to me that you hesitate to tell yourself the truth. Why is that? Why do we hesitate to tell ourselves the truth that I'm beautiful? Why is that so hard?

Beth Hildbrand [00:13:05]:

I know. That's funny because I have three kids and three grandkids. I tell them I love them all the time, and I tell them they're beautiful and they're smart all the time. Why not do that for myself? So these are the little things I'm starting to appreciate now, now that I have a second chance at life.

Christopher [00:13:28]:

The reason we're doing this series is that we take things for granted. Beauty is something we take for granted, and in a lot of cases, we just reject it when it comes to ourselves. We can see beauty outside and appreciate it in others. However, we seem to need to reject it where we are concerned. We're trying to figure out why that is. At least have the conversation so people think about it. Yes. Why is it that you're not beautiful?

Beth Hildbrand [00:13:58]:

Well, I could share my perspective on that. I think it all comes from the little child in us. And we all have our child inside of us, who we were when we were little. Our worthiness, I think, comes from before we even understood the world, before we were conscious of what I am. And the world around us really kind of dictated whether we were going to become or feel worthy. And if you grew up with childhood traumas or lack of emotional support or basic needs, then you're not going to grow up as an adult feeling any different than that child felt with the lack of things. And as adults, I think we say, you know, in the back of our minds, we question whether we are worthy of XYZ. Are we worthy of money? Are we worthy of respect? Are we worthy of whatever the case may be? And we asked that to a little child that was traumatized. And the answer is always going to be no until you come to grips with that child and let them know that you're in charge.

Christopher [00:15:26]:

The thing is, though, you tell the little ones around you all the time that you're beautiful. I mean, you must have had that somewhat in your life when you were a little child. No one said you were beautiful when.

Beth Hildbrand [00:15:40]:

I was a child. And I just. The most recent YouTube video that I sent out last week kind of goes into this. My childhood was wrought with neglect and child abuse. And, you know, we didn't have food or decent clothes. Our idea of going school shopping was dumpster diving behind the shoe store and trying to find a pair of shoes that weren't, like, shredded too much. So, my self-worth has gone through a metamorphosis. And I really started examining that really after the first time.

Beth Hildbrand [00:16:23]:

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2018 because I had an emergency surgery then and found out that I had cancer, and it was just a surgery, no treatment or anything after. I thought I got really lucky, but it started a transition in me to examine what it is about me that makes me feel that I'm not worthy of a better life. And so I started creating one, a better life.

Heather [00:16:51]:

Now, that is so beautiful. I want to go back to one of the things that you said when we're stripped of a huge piece of our identity that we've relied on for assurance in how we physically present, and we're left with what's underneath. What was the process, for you, in cultivating this kind of metamorphosis that had started earlier to see beauty within? Like, what was that process when you're stripped bare of what's outside, and you're cultivating what's inside?

Beth Hildbrand [00:17:29]:

Yeah, I think, you know, that that journey had started way before chemotherapy. Like you said, it was a matter of doing a deep dive and questioning everything that I thought. Why did I believe in XYZ? Why didn't I believe in XYZ? Where did I get that theory from? You know? I took all the different ideas, philosophies, and ideologies that I could get my hands on, and this was in 2018. I just, like, dove deep into personal development, metaphysics, and different religions. And I came to the conclusion that, you know, it's all by choice, and we are simply a computer program. We choose what program we want to run on. I love it. I graduated with a degree in networking, and it taught me more about how the human brain works than anything else that I've ever studied or researched.

Beth Hildbrand [00:18:53]:

And it just makes more sense because computers and technologies kind of mapped out of the human brain, and it's just a matter of, you know, some of those thoughts and, and the way we think and believe comes from our environment and things that happened to us before we were even five or six years old. So you figure out what those things are that really aren't yours, rewrite the script, and change the program. So, you know, my childhood was kind of messed up, and I had a lot of stupid and messed up people around me, but that doesn't mean I have to be stupid and messed up, you know, so, you know, question everything and recreate what doesn't work.

Christopher [00:19:43]:

I know part of your brand is to take what you have experienced, the things that you have gone through, and the things that have challenged you and pass on the lessons you have learned from those challenges. I know that's part of something that you truly believe in. And this idea of feeling beautiful, being beautiful, what can you share that has transpired since you've gone through that period of not really believing? And now I believe that you believe.

Beth Hildbrand [00:20:20]:

Well, you know, what I believe is that we are all starseeds. We are all part of the same body, and there is no difference among us. We either see what we love or see what we hate in each and every one of us. But those are all lessons, either lessons of love or believing in yourself. And that's something that was really, really hard for me for a long time. I believe more in myself now than ever. And what gift cancer has left behind for me is the fact that I don't have to worry about what anybody thinks. I'm living on borrowed time.

Beth Hildbrand [00:21:10]:

So, I have a goal. I have a vision of what I want to leave behind. I have three beautiful grandbabies, and everything I do at this point forward is what legacy I'm leaving behind for them. It doesn't matter how insecure I might be; it doesn't matter what mood I might be in. I still need to work on my pursuit, my purpose, and my goals in life because I've been given this gift, and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks, doesn't matter what I look like, what I sound like, how much I remember what I'm talking about or not. It doesn't matter as long as I keep moving forward. And I'm grateful for the time that I'm here.

Christopher [00:22:03]:

Beth, you are comfortable in your own skin?

Beth Hildbrand [00:22:05]:

Yes. Finally. It only took 50 years.

Heather [00:22:09]:

Beth, we love to ask our guests, so I'd love to know your thoughts on what feminine means to you.

Beth Hildbrand [00:22:17]:

I think feminine means. To me, feminine means creative, art, love, embrace, and strength.

Christopher [00:22:34]:

That moment when you saw yourself for the first time without your hair, feminine, was a word that came into your soul. What was the meaning of that word for you at that moment?

Beth Hildbrand [00:22:50]:

Well, you know, I wasn't really. I wasn't in a feminine mindset at that point. I think those. Those few moments just after my head was shaved and I was freshly bald. I'm not identifying with a man or a woman, feminine or masculine. I just. I felt like an alien that didn't identify with either sex, just a body.

Christopher [00:23:22]:

It was scary.

Beth Hildbrand [00:23:22]:

It was scary. And maybe that's why I felt like it was really important for me to get in that dress and get dressed up and put my feminine back on immediately because I wanted to give back to myself what had just been stripped away, which was that feminine identity.

Heather [00:23:46]:

And it sounds like, along the way, what it meant on the inside for you, but the outside was a way to process what was happening.

Beth Hildbrand [00:23:53]:

Yeah, exactly.

Christopher [00:23:54]:

And has your definition of beauty changed since that transition that you've had to go through?

Beth Hildbrand [00:24:01]:

Absolutely. I mean, I've always had this belief, but it just kind of solidified. Beauty comes from the inside, including how you treat people, how you look at the world, how you respect others, and how you have a love and understanding for the earth and humanity. Those principles are what make you beautiful. It doesn't matter what's on the outside. And as long as you're here on earth and trying to make the world a better place, all you need to do in life, you don't have to do anything but just be you and be nice.

Christopher [00:24:55]:

We could not have said that any better. Absolutely. And it's the reason we talk about this topic, is to get beneath the skin, to get under the surface.

Beth Hildbrand [00:25:08]:

Yeah, I love it because I mean.

Christopher [00:25:11]:

That's what the world wants us to believe, that it is topical. It's not.

Beth Hildbrand [00:25:17]:

No. That's the crazy thing that I, you know, have you watched the movie Matrix? And we hear a lot about it, you know, that we live in a matrix world. It's so true. Even if you really think about where the concept of money comes from, it's all made up. Beauty. The concept of beauty is made up. The concept of money is made up. All these are just man-made concepts.

Beth Hildbrand [00:25:49]:

What really is real is what's on the inside of you, no matter what's on the outside. Looking in.

Christopher [00:25:59]:

Love it. So, Beth, we want to give you the floor because you have a business where people can engage with you and work with you. So please share that. What would you like listeners to know about what you do and how they can connect with you?

Beth Hildbrand [00:26:16]:

Thank you. So since my chemo ended in April, I started my, I rebranded and relaunched my marketing company as Resilient Stars Marketing. My website, resiliencetarsmarketing.com. I'm in the transition of building a new website. So you see now may not be the same next week, but I provide marketing services. And you can think of it as either done for you, or I'll teach you how to do it for you sort of concept where you can kind of pick and choose what task for your business that you want to maintain control of yourself or have my team help put it all together. We have experts in SEO, optimization, web building, funnel creation, and AI automation, all those things. So I just recently aligned myself with a group platform called Graphi, and I'll be hosting webinars every single month.

Beth Hildbrand [00:27:21]:

And just to give a little bit of value to those who are small business owners, coaches, and consultants who are looking for marketing services and a platform that will save them a ton of time and a ton of money. But I'll be doing them all the time. And it's just a little 30-minute educational webinar that no matter what level you are, whether you're a solo entrepreneur, just kind of getting your brand started, or you're already at the helm of a thriving business, it's my perspective and the tools that I share that can save some money.

Christopher [00:27:56]:

And what's the website that you would like people to land on?

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:01]:

Resilient starsmarketing.com.

Christopher [00:28:03]:

Resilient starsmarketing.com.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:05]:

You can also email me@bethesilianstarsmarketing.com and check out YouTube. Oh, yes. And that's bethtalks RSM Capital.

Christopher [00:28:19]:

Fantastic. Thank you so much for basically exposing your innards to us.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:26]:

Thank you.

Christopher [00:28:27]:

In this journey that you've been through.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:29]:

Got out. You got out the sensitive stuff. You're a pretty good interviewer. You dig deep. Maybe I needed to.

Christopher [00:28:38]:

I know you were just a wonderful person to talk to.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:42]:

Thank you.

Christopher [00:28:42]:

That's basically the bottom line.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:44]:

It's a pleasure to meet you both.

Christopher [00:28:46]:

And if I must say, men are not supposed to just tell strangers they're beautiful. But I think I know you a little bit better, and I can say you're beautiful from the inside out.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:57]:

Thank you.

Christopher [00:28:58]:

Thank you for doing so.

Beth Hildbrand [00:28:59]:

Thank you. I appreciate it.

Heather [00:29:04]:

It's been such a joy to have you. Beth, thank you for being vulnerable with us, because that is the stuff that really hits, hits home and helps other people feel, as you said, not so alone. So thank you.

Beth Hildbrand [00:29:17]:

Well, thank you for giving me a platform to let it all out.

Christopher [00:29:24]:

And this series will continue on beauty. We will be looking at different aspects and just discussing things that we keep in our minds but don't necessarily talk out loud. So come back and join us. And you've been listening to the virgin.

Heather [00:29:40]:

The beauty and the bitch.

Christopher [00:29:42]:

Find us. Like us. Share us. Please come on back. And again, in the next episode, more on this topic of beauty. To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us @virginbeautybitch.com. Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. And share us with people who are Defiantly Different like you.

Christopher [00:30:08]:

Until next time, thanks for listening.