VBB 298 Jen Auh Creating Confidence With Style!

Intro [00:00:01]:

Virgin Beauty Bitch Podcast: inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts, Christopher and Heather.

Let's talk, shall we?

Christopher [00:00:20]:

It's the simplest of formulas. If you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, the world is your oyster, and everything you do feels spectacularly great. Simple concept. The challenge for many people is step one, which is looking good. Thankfully, there's a simple solution, and it comes with a name: Jen Auh, founder of Style Konsult & STYiLES. Welcome, Jen, to Virgin Beauty Bitch.

Jen Auh [00:00:55]:

Thanks for having me.

Christopher [00:00:56]:

It's our pleasure to have you. Thank you for giving us time with you. Now, Jen, when people hear words like beauty, fashion, or style, it's natural to think about our personal look and presentation. But you work with these words from a greater, larger vision. What is your personal history in this field?

Jen Auh [00:01:14]:

I started my career as a web designer in beauty and fashion. So I work with Bliss, Macy's, Too Faced Cosmetics, and Silver Jeans. So, my specialty was building e-commerce website so more people are attracted to the products. To make them feel like their life was not complete without those products.

Christopher [00:01:37]:

So you weren't a fashion designer in the back sewing up costumes or putting on makeup. You were more in the corporate look. How they look and how they present. What's your personal feeling about looks, about presenting yourself? What's your personal view on that?

Jen Auh [00:01:54]:

I believe very strongly that look is everything because I know that inner beauty is important. However, your appearance is the one that gives you the opportunity. Show your inner beauty. We say, do not judge a book by its cover, but we do. If we don't like the cover, we don't even grab the book or start reading the content. So that's how it works with the people, too. When you look good, people are more open to getting to know you because they are intrigued and like to be somebody like you. When I was working in corporate, my boss literally told me to do the work the way I dress because I was one of the best dressers in the entire company.

Heather [00:02:48]:

So, for women, the standard of beauty has been such a pillar of how we feel about ourselves, how other people see us, and how we view access to opportunities. And, you know, in a world where often the standard is either so high or so unrealistic with, you know, different filters and different polishings, what would your advice be to folks that are looking to establish their outer appearance, to be one that they love, but not based off of necessarily these like, unrealistic standards that women continue to be bombarded with.

Jen Auh [00:03:35]:

You need to be true to yourself because if you don't feel good in your own skin, that really shows. So when you look good the way you like to be perceived by others, it really boosts your confidence. I tell people to focus on what they can control. You can control what you wear and how you look. That's how you actually control the other people's perception about you. What people see is how you're being perceived.

Christopher [00:04:11]:

When building a personal look or a personal brand, do people come to you for that? Or are you more a corporate comes to you to present themselves in a way that is appealing to the public?

Jen Auh [00:04:27]:

Most clients are individuals. They are entrepreneurs and founders, or professionals and executives. They all come to me with one very clear goal. They want to look good, and they want to have their own style. They also want to be remembered for their look, too, because they know the power of appearance. So it might sound shallow, but then, however, that's how the world works. If you look good, you have more opportunities to present who you are.

Jen Auh [00:05:02]:

So even if people only hear your voice, they can see that you have confidence or that you have more authority. You are also very confident about what you say. A funny thing about yesterday was that I had this little conversation with the executive coach; she said I sounded really confident. I'm like, yeah, I believe what I say. That's as simple as that.

Christopher [00:05:32]:

So if I came to you and I'm a jerk, I am a real jerk. You can tell that I have very few scruples, but I come to you, and I say, make me look good so people will like me. What do you, what do you do with that?

Jen Auh [00:05:48]:

I ask the same person, do you like yourself? Do you? I mean, if you like yourself. We are all very subjective when it comes to our look. If you feel like you are a jerk, why do you want to feel like you are? Because when the client comes, the first question I ask them is why are you here? Before we understand the why, there are just so many different ways to reach the goal. The what and how is determined by why. Sometimes, my client comes up with the idea that it is something they need to do. But during the session, we discovered that it's actually a little deeper than the surface of looking good. There is self-confidence and self-awareness; there's also self-love, too.

Jen Auh [00:06:54]:

One of my clients, a very successful businessman, came in wearing a hat that was very limited and exclusive. Only a few people in the world actually get their hands on it. So he was very proud. He told me that people compliment him about his hat all the time. So I asked him if they complimented him about how he looked wearing the hat or were just saying that the hat looked good. Then he realized that no one said anything about how he looked with a hat. People only mentioned the hat because they knew that it was very hard to get. It was just the object. Then we talked a little bit more about the way he dressed.

Jen Auh [00:07:47]:

It is all very much, very high-end, very luxurious. But then, it wasn't really showing who he was. So then we talk a little bit more about what his look actually meant to him. So now he knows better how he should present himself, not the items that he wears because the hat was wearing him instead of him wearing the hat.

Heather [00:08:17]:

I really like how you've broken down the different reasons people come to you as clients and the different mentalities that they're coming with, and you help them unpack their why. I think it's very easy to get wrapped up in what you think others want to see out of you based on all these other images that you've seen rather than what you want that first impression to say about you. What are you trying to convey as a message? So I'm wondering, for people who maybe want to take a new look at themselves or just step into a new chapter of how they're being perceived, what would you give them as a piece of advice to take that jump or move into embracing what could be for them?

Jen Auh [00:09:11]:

Actually, you are doing it because I always say that people do not change. We're thinking that, oh, you know what, if I do this, I'll be a new person. I'll be new me. No, you are not. You're actually involved in creating the next chapter or next stage. We all have a multifaceted personality. Sometimes, we show the one side, and sometimes, we show the other side; it depends on the situation or on the people you present yourself to.

Jen Auh [00:09:48]:

You present yourself differently to your colleagues, boss, or family. You act differently and show a different side of yourself. So, if you are stepping into the next chapter, what you do is learn better how you actually show this side of you that will be better for your next chapter.

Christopher [00:10:13]:

One of the things that I'm fascinated with is identity, personal identity. I think that as we grow up as children and young adults, we latch onto identities that are not necessarily authentically us, and we present that to the world. A lot of people get lost in not understanding who they are, their true core identity. It sounds to me that the kind of work you're doing is trying to reconnect people with that core identity before they can present themselves to the world. You are not the hat, as you say, but he believed the hat was his identity. He felt that people seeing him with his hat would take this as his identity, as luxurious or hard to get or whatever it might be, but he had not really connected to himself. So it sounds to me like this is a psychology course, not just fashion or style.

Jen Auh [00:11:22]:

So, we all have multiple roles. I wear a lot of hats. Sometimes, I'm a consultant; sometimes, I'm a therapist; sometimes, I'm a mentor; sometimes, I'm a coach. So, one of my clients is literally that way. He comes in and feels like he's walking into a therapy session. We talked about his dream, what he actually dreamt the last night, how it made him feel, how it impacted his goals, and why he had this dream. So we talk about it, but you always go back to how he presents himself to the other. When you feel good, look at yourself in the mirror, and you feel good, there's nothing that can stop the things you want to do because you feel great about yourself.

Jen Auh [00:12:18]:

You always need to start from you because you are the focus. I always tell people that other people focus on themselves rather than you. We are thinking, oh my God, if I do this, what other people might think about me, but they don't, they don't think about what you do. They are focusing on what they do. So why don't you focus on yourself? Because if you don't do it for yourself, nobody will do it for you. Nobody. So, you need to actually focus on how well you present yourself to others and yourself so you get the opportunities that you want to achieve your goals. So when my client comes in, and we talk, we find out his why and get a clear goal.

Jen Auh [00:13:14]:

We are calling it his North Star. Now you have a North Star. It's there, so then how are we actually going to get there? There are multiple different ways. First, we improve the look. When you feel good, then you can actually voice what you want. And then people tend to hear you better because they are attracted.

Jen Auh [00:13:39]:

Actually, one of my clients is a software engineer. He went to a tech event, a networking event. He walked in there with 100 different people, all from tech companies. He just stood there because he didn't know anybody to talk to. Then, two people came up to him and asked him where he got his blazer. He looked really good, and they asked him if he worked in a fashion.

Jen Auh [00:14:08]:

And he goes, no, I'm a software engineer. Now they're making conversation. He was just standing there. He didn't say a word. But the way he presented himself, he attracted these strangers. Two guys came up to him to ask where he got the blazer. Then he sprung to what he was working on. He was working on a game he was developing as a founder.

Jen Auh [00:14:37]:

So, he had more opportunities to talk about what he was working on, and people came to listen to him. He didn't have to convince anybody. Hey, guys, I'm doing this. Can you please listen to what I have to say? No, the other way around is always better because these people were ready to listen to him. They wanted to know what this guy was doing here, dressed so well, only to find he was one of them. He was one of the tech guys, but he stood out because he simply looked good.

Heather [00:15:21]:

I enjoy so much of what you just said. One thing that really struck me was how you present to others, but then also how you want to present to yourself and taking note of what it means to show up for yourself in that way. I just think that that's a really beautiful way to conceptualize. Like, when you're looking at how you present yourself, what are you saying? Like, what are you telling yourself in how you you take care of yourself?

Christopher [00:15:52]:

If I can add to that, it's image images you see in the outside world and think that those will get you to where you want to go, but they're not actually who you are authentically.

Jen Auh [00:16:09]:

The way that you actually need to see yourself is to ask, are you comfortable? If you're not comfortable, it doesn't really matter how great you look because it's not really you. Your style is very important. First of all, you'll feel comfortable about yourself in your own skin and also do the same style that is personal, your signature style. It's a visual cue to other people to think about you when they see something you would have been wearing. I have a certain style. I have a very collective style. So, when a friend or my client sees something in a store window or someone walking down the street,  it triggers them to think of me.

Jen Auh [00:17:05]:

I think that's really powerful because your look is branded in other people's minds. It's about your impression. Your impression is there. So even though you're not present or not even near them, they're still thinking about you, remembering you. So your look is making your first impression a lasting impression even though you're not there twenty-four-seven.

Christopher [00:17:39]:

I like that style by association. Right. The other thing I was curious about is that beauty is a tricky word. We all aspire to look good, but there's a lot of guilt in aggrandizing yourself. You know, there's a lot of guilt with beauty, especially with women specifically. How do you tackle that guilt? How do you get a person over that hurdle so they actually feel comfortable presenting themselves?

Jen Auh [00:18:10]:

It's all about coming down to your self-awareness, so it's okay to ask. I actually had a similar conversation the other day. Silence means you're losing the opportunity. You're missing an opportunity every time you don't ask or use your voice. Time waits for nobody. So even though you have all this time or all these resources, if you don't use it, you're actually losing it. So, instead of feeling guilty about what you want to be, if you don't do it for yourself, nobody will do it for you. Your mom is not going to do it for you. Your friend is not going to do it for you. You are the only one who can voice what you want. And then there's nothing that you should feel guilty about.

Christopher [00:19:08]:

I like that. That's a lot to think about.

Jen Auh [00:19:13]:

You need to speak up for yourself.

Heather [00:19:16]:

This is the inverse of Christopher's question. I think there are many women out there for whom the beauty standard feels so far out of reach that they get resentful for not fitting that image or not ever feeling good enough or presentable enough. What would your recommendations aroundtackling that feeling?

Jen Auh [00:19:45]:

It's all about your self-image. Everyone's different. I'm very short. I'm five foot three, so a little shorter than average. But when I present myself out there, I don't think about how short or how tall I am.

Jen Auh [00:20:10]:

The funny thing is that when people actually meet me, they always see me a few inches taller until they get very close, and they realize my head is around their shoulders and that I'm shorter than they expected. How I present myself makes me taller and bigger. I will never be like a model. They are 5ft 11 in and beautiful. I know I'm not going to be like that in this life.

Jen Auh [00:21:02]:

In this life, I'm set. This is me. So, what I'm going to do is maximize what I have. Everyone has this beautiful side of themselves. All you need to do is own it. When you own it, you are beautiful. And then you really show your inner beauty.

Jen Auh [00:21:26]:

That's how it comes out, and you start glowing. All the confidence in yourself makes you taller and bigger and also makes you stronger for yourself. And other people can feel that, too. The confidence is actually contagious. It has its own vibe. When you feel it, other people can feel that, too.

Christopher [00:21:57]:

This is profound. Obviously, beauty is the middle word in our podcast name, and we talk about this topic a lot. And for most people, beauty is an external expression. However, this conversation is all about internal expression. Unfortunately, we're not educated to understand the simple flip of that word. I only hope this is connecting with people because everything you say is about internal beauty. We express it outwardly to the world, but it starts inside. I hope that that message is getting across because I think you present it beautifully and powerfully.

Jen Auh [00:22:40]:

So start with this: wear your best outfit every day because today might be the last, like only, time that you can present yourself out there. So you never know who you will be running to. The funny thing is, I was literally walking down the street and got a text from one of my clients. He was like, oh, I saw you leaving the restaurant. He only saw my back but recognized me. I felt great because I was dressed very well. I felt confident that he saw me. He saw me because I stood out and because I was dressed really well.

Jen Auh [00:23:38]:

So you never know. You never know where you're actually going to present yourself. One client told me that she had to go home to change. A friend texted her that there was a networking event where he wanted to introduce her to his peers. However, she wasn't dressed well enough to go to this event so she had to go home and change. But it was already too late because it was only a one-hour networking event.

Jen Auh [00:24:23]:

So, she missed that opportunity to present herself. Even though her friend called her, hey, come now, we are here. But she couldn't go because she wasn't ready. So I was like, girl, how many times do I tell you that you have to be ready all the time because you never know where you'll end up? Do not leave the house if you're not ready. I'm like, do not leave the house. Why do you do that yourself? So I always tell people that if you're not ready, don't leave the house.

Christopher [00:25:08]:

I have one practical question for you. Lots of people believe that to look fantastic, you have to be rich. Is that true?

Jen Auh [00:25:20]:

No, 100% not true. You don't have to be rich or have a lot of money to look good. You just need to know what works for you. As an image consultant, I tell people exactly how they need to dress, so there's no guessing what they need to do or doubting what they need to do. I give them a clear answer: this is it. Stick to it. Of course, you can try different ways to figure out what works for you in a way that doesn't cost you any money. One of the things I tell my clients is that if they really want to find out what works for them, go to the mall, go to the store, and try as many outfits as they want. It cost them nothing. It cost them time, obviously, but they are picking out all that stuff.

Jen Auh [00:26:22]:

You can take your time in the fitting room; they don't charge you. Try all the dresses because then you will actually find something that feels like, oh, I really like this, and it's you. Then you stick to it. So when you are young, when you're in school, that's the time that you try all different things because then you don't have the money, but you have the time. So you are going to use that asset as much as possible. When you're in school, you can use that time to find what works for you.

Jen Auh [00:27:08]:

So, if you really want to use either time or money to find things, it doesn't really require that you spend so mucht.

Heather [00:27:28]:

We love to ask our guests some questions on the show. One of them is: What Does Feminine Mean to You?

Jen Auh [00:27:38]:

Be you.

I love that you do you. I love to be a woman. I think we have so much fun that we have more options being women. I used to dress like my brother. We would always fight over my brother's wardrobe. So my mom ended up getting the same thing, same thing in two different sizes. One for me and one for my brother because my brother is obviously much taller.

Jen Auh [00:28:05]:

He's a 5-11, i'm 5-3. Back then, I would always wear his shirt and try different things. He didn't like it at all. So, I learned how to try different things. That's how I found out what works for me.

Jen Auh [00:28:28]:

That's what I did when I was in school. The funny thing is that I'm still very close to my high school friend. I'm 47 now, but she's like, yeah, you always wore something different every day when we were in high school. It's because I was trying to figure it out. I hope there are no pictures of me wearing some outfits because some were horrific.

Jen Auh [00:28:52]:

But then I learned what wasn't for me. Now I know what works best for me. So I stick to it. When you find something, stick to it. And as a woman, we have more options. It's fun to dress up as a woman and show your femininity.

Jen Auh [00:29:12]:

I have some clients who are very professional, like a lawyer or a doctor, and women who are very corporate. They feel they have to dress a certain way. I told them to dress the way they like. I mean, you are professional, It's not like you're going to wear short-shorts to go to work. Obviously, you're not doing it. But then spice things up a little; wear a bold pattern.

Jen Auh [00:29:48]:

It will make you feel good because you're not wearing just black anymore. You're not wearing the old plain clothes so you just blend in. Why not stand out? People will actually get to know you better because you stand out. People only remember certain people visually and you can be the one. One of my clients told me that he was walking down the street and these two women were checking him out. They literally turned around  checking on him because he looked really good.

Jen Auh [0 :30:30]:

He felt it made his day. When you feel good, especially for women, because we have this tendency to dress in a certain way, there are so many beautiful people out there telling us that that's how it's supposed to be. But no, you can actually do it your way. You set your own standard.

Christopher [00:31:00]:

I made it a pact with myself that if I see someone, male or female, and they look great, I will go out of my way to tell them they look great. The only thing I would say is if someone comes up to you and they tell you you look great, accept it; believe it.

Jen Auh [00:31:23]:

Hundred percent. I always say thank you. Like, oh, thank you. The other day, this woman screamed across the street, I love your dress. So I yelled back, thank you. Then we walked on. How nice is that?

Christopher [00:31:50]:

That would be my advice: accept it with grace.

Jen Auh [00:31:53]:

100%. You make them feel good, too, because it's their compliment.

Christopher [00:31:58]:

Exactly. Now, tell us about your business. If someone wants to connect with you, how do they go about that?

Jen Auh [00:32:07]:

So they can come to my company website, stylekonsult.com, with a k. They will see we offer image consulting, personal branding, and a holistic approach. We help people look good and feel confident holistically. We tailor and personalize a plan. When they come, we find out their why and find a way to make that come true.

Christopher [00:32:37]:

Fantastic. Give us connections. Your website and spell that out for people so they know exactly what they're looking for.

Jen Auh [00:32:46]:

Sciconsole.com stylekonsult.com fantastic.

Christopher [00:32:54]:

It's been a pleasure talking to you. We are always looking for insights into understanding these words: Virgin, Beauty, Bitch. Understanding what's behind them, how we apply them, and how we can make them something positive in our lives. So, we thank you for talking about the word beauty and giving us a positive perspective. We really appreciate that.

Jen Auh [00:33:24]:

Thanks for having me today.

Heather [00:33:26]:

It was so wonderful to talk with you. And thank you for sharing your insights with us. It was a true joyous.  We appreciate having you with us today.

Christopher [00:33:34]:

And you have been listening to the.

Heather [00:33:36]:

The Virgin, The Beauty, and The Bitch.

Christopher [00:33:39]:

You can find us. You're gonna like us; you'll want to share us and tell us we look good. To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us@virginbeautybitch.com. Like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and share us with people who are Defiantly Different, like you.

Until next time, thanks for listening.