VBB 287 Dr. Annmarie Waite Girlfriends Health!

Intro [00:00:01]:

Virgin Beauty Bitch Podcast: inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts, Christopher and Heather. 

Let's talk, shall we?

Christopher [00:00:20]:

What is health, and what is wellness? Should you be concerned with one over the other? Well, for clarity, we're happy to welcome a woman who established her career as a professor with a PhD in nursing. We welcome Doctor Annmarie Waite to Virgin Beauty Bitch.

Annmarie Waite [00:00:40]:

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very delighted to be here with you both.

Christopher [00:00:45]:

We are double delighted. Now, Annmarie, as soon as a visitor lands on your website, this is what they see. And I really love this introduction. "Hello, I'm Doctor Annmarie Waite and I warmly welcome you to Girlfriend's Health. I'm here to embark on a profound journey of well-being and self-discovery with you". Ann Marie. I have to admit, no traditional nurse has ever said anything close to that to me. What is Girlfriend's Health? And how does the title "nurse" play into what you offer here?

Annmarie Waite [00:01:23]:

Oh, I'm so glad you asked, Chris, because there is a story behind the name Girlfriend's Health, and there's also a story behind the reason why I am the kind of nurse that I am. And I think sometimes our stories; we don't share them, but it's important that we do because without that story, we wouldn't be who we are. And so that has been my mission. I'm hoping that my story, by sharing it, can help other women too. You know, to find their voice, first of all, and to also help them to celebrate their uniqueness, because every one of us is unique. So, I became a nurse, but it has always been my passion to be healthy. And I gained that passion because my father died when he was 43 years old. And from that experience, I was twelve at the time when he died. And from that experience, I just dove into learning what it takes so that I would not follow in his footsteps.

Annmarie Waite [00:02:44]:

And that, I think, it almost gave me a mission. My mission was to seek out how to maintain wellness. Because, you know, you say health and wellness, so health is the goal, but wellness is a process that you have to take. It's the activities that you have to do in order to achieve that goal. So, by the time I decided to go back to nursing school, I had already been married, had two children, and was not in a good relationship. But because of my, I guess my belief system that my life was just not what it was at the time, I decided to leave that marriage. I had the courage to leave that marriage and pursue a career as a nurse. Everybody always asks me, "Why, if you're going to get a PhD, then why didn't you just go back? Why didn't you just be a medical doctor"? But that wasn't my goal.

Annmarie Waite [00:03:53]:

I just wanted to be well; I just wanted to be healthy. My journey as a nurse really started by teaching me the things that I should do in order to be healthy. It started because when I had my kids, I was very young. I wanted to know how to take care of them, not only on a general level but also about their development and mental health. I wanted to do the holistic part of raising kids. And so that's what nursing did for me. I was able to learn the physiology of the person, the human being.

Annmarie Waite [00:04:39]:

But also, my goal was to look deeper, not just. I never adopted the theory that you need medication to get better. My thing was, you, your body can take care of itself. You have a system that is capable of healing, and you just let it work. As I went through nursing, I decided that it was a journey. It really was a journey for me because in everything I did; I didn't realize that, at the time, I was seeking happiness. That was the journey I was on. And so because I wasn't quite clear on what happiness, true happiness is, I gave it a meaning.

Annmarie Waite [00:05:30]:

I said, "It must mean that I need to climb to the top of my ladder professionally." And that's what I pursued. I just started climbing and climbing and going higher. With that, I developed a lot of insight and growth. I realized, you know, when I got to the top, I still wasn't happy. It didn't do it. So, okay, I should be thrilled. I should be so happy.

Annmarie Waite [00:05:55]:

But I wasn't, because it was then that I realized that happiness is not on the outside. It's not something you seek. It comes from inside. I started to teach differently because, by then, I was a nursing professor. I just changed my outlook and the way I did things. That was when I decided to share my story, that my story was not just mine. And I don't have to. I didn't tell my story a lot because, really, I wasn't very sure.

Annmarie Waite [00:06:33]:

I guess I was ashamed of it. When I had the awareness that in order for me to be happy and because my purpose was to serve others, then I knew that my story had a meaning, it had a meaning. And in order for it to help others, if I want to serve others, I need to share my story, because there are so many women going through the same things that I've gone through. And if I don't open up and show them that I'm vulnerable and I've been there, and this is how I was able to climb out of it, then they wouldn't have that understanding that there's somebody else out there just like me. That's the reason I decided to share my story on my website. And that's also the reason why I chose to go into business as a different type of nurse. You know, even I struggled a lot with Western medicine, the way we treat things. And this was my way of just embracing the holistic model that we are perfect as we are, and we gotta accept ourselves.

Annmarie Waite [00:07:49]:

We have to learn how to depend on ourselves. We have a community for support, but everything that we have is already in us, and we just need to know how to stand in it and allow it to help us to grow.

Heather [00:08:03]:

That's lovely.

Annmarie Waite [00:08:05]:

Thank you.

Heather [00:08:06]:

And, you know, what's speaking out to me and what you shared there is that there are so many foundational pieces to your story that helped to shape how you want to work with your clients and work with women. So when I hear the Girlfriend approach, can you walk me through what that means to you? Is that like you seeing a woman's journey with her own health and wellness, understanding her own story and maybe the ways that she's either neglected her own health or been ashamed of certain parts of it and not talked about it? What does the Girlfriend aspect mean to you, and how does that show up with your clients?

Annmarie Waite [00:08:49]:

Okay, so "Girlfriends" came about because my daughter, when she was growing up. She went through a period of searching for herself. And I was very connected to both my kids. I was a school nurse because I wanted to be in their lives. One of the times when I was at her school as a teenager, she didn't want her friends to know that her mother was watching over her. And she said to me, "Can we not tell anybody that you're my mother?" Rather than being hurt, I said, "What would you like us to be?" And she said, "How about we're just girlfriends?" And we became girlfriends, and she would introduce me as her girlfriend. I said, "We can be girlfriends as long as you remember that girlfriends share. They share things about their lives."

Annmarie Waite [00:09:51]:

If they're having a rough time, if they're having a great time, that's what girlfriends mean. So if we are going to be girlfriends, that's the understanding that we have, and we accept it. And to this day, she still calls me girlfriend. When I decided to start my own business, that name was very important. I am a women's health nurse practitioner, so my clients are mostly women. And so it was just natural that that's what I would call my business, Girlfriend's Health because the focus is on girlfriends. The other reason why it's called Girlfriend is because I understand that the relationship between a mother and a daughter is so significantly important as to how that daughter is going to grow up, and it also affects her health. We have done a lot of research showing where and when the bonds between a mother and daughter are not strong or been broken, that these women tend to have health issues that are preventable if they had had a better relationship with their moms.

Annmarie Waite [00:11:05]:

So that is the significance of how Girlfriends came together. That's one of the programs that I'm trying to put together, to offer workshops for moms and daughters. We had it before COVID, but then COVID shut us down. I'm still trying to bring it back. But to your question, Heather, it's a message to women to help, to empower them, to let them know that they have the power to step into their own story and to acknowledge who they are and they're able to heal themselves. It doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter what your past has been. I truly believe that you have that power. You just have to own it. You just have to step into it.

Annmarie Waite [00:11:59]:

I also want to encourage women to share their stories because that's how we grow. It's how we're going to help each other.

Christopher [00:12:07]:

Yeah. A big word that comes up over and over and over again, as we've been doing this podcast for a few years, is vulnerability. That ability to open yourself up and allow others to see where you were hurt. Right? Because that is the beginning of the healing, is being able to open up and allow that, to see the sun and to absorb that energy. It's interesting to me that you were so warm and welcoming with your daughter because, on your website, you say, "I battled such insecurity that I couldn't even name three things I liked about myself. There was a time when self-doubt clouded my aspirations." And for you to come from that to now being told by your daughter, "I don't want you to be my mother," quote-unquote, I want you to be my friend. That is a profound shift in your own self-identity.

Annmarie Waite [00:13:07]:

Yes. I think it speaks to the growth that had taken place because I was now at a point where I felt responsible for her, and I knew. I recognized what was happening with her. She was going through a change in life, and she needed to be able to find herself. So I knew. I knew that calling each other girlfriend didn't mean that I wasn't her mom, but it was giving her the strength, and I didn't want to push her away. If I had said, no, absolutely not, I'm not going to, you know, this is ridiculous, that would have put up a wall between us. And so, I hope that is what people can get out of it, to show that there are other ways that we can help someone.

Annmarie Waite [00:14:00]:

We don't have to shut them down. We can meet them where they are at, and that way, we can have a working relationship that just takes...

Christopher [00:14:09]:

Such profound self-awareness. It really does. Because I don't know how many mothers would have responded the way you did with your daughter. Right. What was your relationship with your mother as a child?

Annmarie Waite [00:14:24]:

It wasn't very good. It wasn't a good one. And so that's why I was healing myself from that relationship. And part of what I was trying to establish between my daughter and I was breaking that chain that just goes around and around. And if I had said that to my mother, she would have disowned me. She would have said, "If you don't want to call me mother, then let's just end it." So I was coming from there.

Annmarie Waite [00:14:59]:

I knew that. So, I was always working against not repeating the same story so that it would continue. I had to be an example to my daughter. And so in the end, it worked out. And I'm happy for that.

Heather [00:15:18]:

Throughout our show, over the years, it's really become very apparent that some women struggle with their own health and wellness because, you know, the body shame that we feel or just not being given enough tools or language when we were younger to say, you know, that what my body is going through matters; so much shame and guilt around even, periods and menstruation. And after that, menopause. I'm just wondering, from your perspective, what you found helpful to working women through some of the insecurities that they carry that inhibit them from being an advocate for their own health. Like, have you found, in your conversations with clients, ways for them to push through some of the shame or guilt and really prioritize themselves?

Annmarie Waite [00:16:15]:

Yes, it's a very good question. I have found that behind all the blame and shame that we carry for ourselves, there is a belief attached to it. There is something that we were told. My insecurity came from being told when I was young, "I'm not enough; I'm not good enough." And so I grew up thinking that it wasn't okay for me to shine my light because I wasn't good enough. I have found that a lot of women who have this belief that they do not like certain parts of their body. They were told something. And so we have to go back. I usually do this little exercise. I have them identify what it is because we have these voices in our heads and we listen to them, you know, we listen to them over and over.

Annmarie Waite [00:17:16]:

And really, we can't figure out where it came from, but it's there. And I have them go back. It's a visualization process. And they go back to the very first time they heard the phrase, that phrase, whatever the phrase is that they're telling themselves. And it is usually nine out of ten times when they were very young. And that's what they have stuck with. It's stuck in their head. And they believe that.

Annmarie Waite [00:17:48]:

And the good news is that you can change those beliefs. You don't have to continue repeating that same belief that you have. It's a habit. It's a habit that you've developed to repeat those negative thoughts. And you also have to go back and then rewrite that belief. I have them identify the thoughts they are saying to themselves, and then we rewrite them. We rewrite it into something positive. And, then, they work on that.

Annmarie Waite [00:18:22]:

They work on that every day. Because when you're a 30-year-old woman with this negative belief, you've been saying it for 30 years, so you can't expect that it's going to go away within a week. It's something that you have to embrace and you have to start believing it. It's not only rephrasing it in a positive way; you have to feel it. When you say something, then imagine yourself being that something and feeling it. How does it feel in your body? And so that's the exercise that I do with them. And it really works so well. They have done studies.

Annmarie Waite [00:19:10]:

People pretend that they're playing the piano, and they have people who are actually playing the piano. They visualize themselves playing the piano, and they've found that the people who pretended that they just saw themselves playing it got the same experience as the people who were actually playing it. And that's how powerful visualization is. And so it works. It works. It works for people who are trying to lose weight, and they can't. There is a belief system in their head that they're not letting go. And once they can identify it and change it, it seems to break that.

Annmarie Waite [00:19:49]:

It's like it has a hold on you. And once you can do that, it makes a difference.

Christopher [00:19:55]:

Something that you do is take the time to study women, not just in your backyard but around the world. You travel extensively. However, you travel with a purpose. Can you share what that is? And where did that come from for you?

Annmarie Waite [00:20:14]:

So I always had this feeling. We travel a lot, and at first, I always had the feeling that I was leaving behind everybody. And so what I did, what I started doing was whenever I went somewhere, my focus was on health. I know that people do things differently. Everything that I have, all the research that I have done, we've looked at people all over the world. How is it that these people are living to be 110 and these people are not? So I decided to incorporate my travels in gathering information so I can share it with my clients. And so if you can know what a woman in India does for self-care, and if you want to try that and see if it works for you, then, you know, that's a benefit. And so that's how I've done it.

Annmarie Waite [00:21:12]:

Every time I travel, I try to do a little bit of research as to what works for women, or I look at what health and wellness means to women in that part of the world, and then I share it with my followers.

Christopher [00:21:25]:

Beautiful.

Heather [00:21:26]:

That is really, really uplifting. And it's so true that all these different places across the world have figured out part of the puzzle or the deep mysteries of what constitutes good wellness and health. If you could share with our listeners, something that you've learned from your clients, things that can help springboard a woman to taking a little bit better care of herself. I know that a lot of what we've gone over is the work that we need to do within to feel that we value ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. But do you have any kind of, like, self care practices or things that you think really kind of help a woman's overall wellness?

Annmarie Waite [00:22:12]:

I would say first, what I would recommend is always being grateful for the breath you take. You wait. You know, it's a privilege for us to be here, to be breathing. I had a client once that came to me. She was having a really tough time with her mom, and I asked her to write every morning, Just write about something that you're thankful for. Your mom, about your mom. And then, every night before you go to bed, I want you to just write something. 

Annmarie Waite [00:22:55]:

If it's two things, just think about two things that you're thankful. By the end of our session, she was such a changed person. And what was enlightening was that that was the thing she came up with. She says, I am thankful that my mom gave me life, and her relationship was horrible with her mom, but for her to come up with that, she couldn't think of anything big, so she thought this was a really small thing. And we were able to build on that one. Your mom gave you the ability to breathe, and because of that ability to be alive. Look at all that you have done with the one breath your mom gave you.

Annmarie Waite [00:23:34]:

That's what I would suggest. My go-to advice to everybody is always to start your day with thank you and end it with thank you. So, gratitude. And once you start doing that, you start noticing things about yourselves that you appreciate and you actually love. So it's a general thing to do, but if you keep at it and remember, everything has to be done for about 22 days before it becomes a habit. And you just practice. Practice, and you'll see that every morning you wake up, the first thing you think about is, what am I thankful for today? And before you go to bed, what went well and what am I grateful for? I think that's my advice to everyone. Not just women but everybody.

Christopher [00:24:24]:

You know, what is so profound about all that? It is so simple, so natural, and innate. However, we are conditioned out of our own innate behavior into something darker and obviously just takes over our lives.

Annmarie Waite [00:24:44]:

Yeah.

Christopher [00:24:45]:

We have to unlearn and relearn what we were actually gifted with.

Annmarie Waite [00:24:49]:

Yeah. I can share just one other thing. Another thing that we can try to do is look at a three-year-old. I always say, see life as a child. They have so much enthusiasm. They're loving. They're forgiving. They are not afraid. They're not afraid.

Annmarie Waite [00:25:13]:

And they don't know. They can't criticize themselves because they don't have that ability. So if you can see yourself, think of yourself as a three-year-old, and try to build on all the things that you were as a three-year-old and repeat them and just expand on them, that makes a big difference.

Christopher [00:25:33]:

I have an addendum to that. Whenever I start this practice, whenever I see a person, some stranger, being an absolute jerk, right? To someone else, I think of them as a three-year-old.

Annmarie Waite [00:25:50]:

Yes. That works, too. Yeah.

Heather [00:25:59]:

Well, this has just been so illuminating to talk to you. And I just think that your story and the way that you just changed your own narrative on the importance of sharing your story and what it means to connect to other women around what's happening on the inside that's affecting, their outside. It's just been so refreshing to chat with you. So, thank you for sharing your insights.

Annmarie Waite [00:26:26]:

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Yeah.

Christopher [00:26:29]:

It's been a long courtship, you and I, getting to this point. However it was, I have to tell you, from my end, it was worth every minute.

Annmarie Waite [00:26:39]:

I know it was a little touchy.

Christopher [00:26:43]:

You have a very busy life. You have a very busy life with a lot of things on the go. We appreciate you actually taking the time to do this with us. We cannot thank you enough for taking the time to do that.

Annmarie Waite [00:26:57]:

Can I share one more thing with you before we go?

Christopher [00:26:59]:

Absolutely.

Annmarie Waite [00:27:00]:

I don't know if you guys have heard of Lisa Nichols. Lisa Nichols is a renowned speaker. Most of what I am doing, I was inspired to follow her for the same reason. She decided to share her story and has made an impact on the world. But she's going to be publishing a book recently. It's called against all odds.

Annmarie Waite [00:27:26]:

And she asked me to write a chapter in her book, and I'm going to be sharing my story in her book. So that's going to be released soon.

Christopher [00:27:34]:

Fantastic. We'll definitely keep in touch with that. Maybe have you back on when that comes out. And how do people get in touch with you? Tell us about your website and where people can connect with you.

Annmarie Waite [00:27:45]:

So, my website is GirlfriendsHealth.com. I'm also on Facebook, Doctor Annmariewaite, and as well as Instagram, Girlfriends Health and that's my Instagram. I would ask everybody to follow me on Instagram. My focus, I would like to say this really quickly, is on cardiovascular health and heart health. And I work with women who want to prevent heart disease. And if you are interested, you could just check out the programs that I offer on my website, girlfriendshealth.com.

Christopher [00:28:28]:

Fantastic. Thank you so much. And you have been listening to the...

Heather [00:28:32]:

Virgin, the Beauty, and the Bitch.

Christopher [00:28:35]:

Find us, like us, and share us. Bring your friends. Come on back. Let's talk some more. To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us@virginbeautybitch.com like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. And share us with people who are Defiantly Different, like you. Until next time, thanks for listening.