VBB 245: Juliane Bergmann — Who Are We When We’re Not Trying To Impress Others?

Juliane grew up with a divorced mom she calls the most liberal certified hippie super feminist imaginable. Rejected by her father for being born a girl, Juliane's mom made it her priority to instill in her kids a sense of freedom to be anything they want. Even so, it wasn't until Juliane was already a mother of six and in a committed decade-long partnership with a man that she finally came out as queer.  Juliane's coming out is in a Huffington Post article titled — My Mom Would've Been Thrilled To Know I Was Queer. Instead, I Stayed Closeted For 25 Years, talks about clinging to a heteronormative lifestyle as a big 'f**k you' to her feminist mother, who would not accept traditional feminine expressions of identity, which she believed were inferior traits. Juliane's story is about a woman trying to find her identity as a human being. It's about the messy, ugly path to self-discovery and the stories we tell ourselves about who we think we are or are expected to be.

Quote: “It was a lot of different things that made me realize, oh, I'm living a life I don't wanna live. I don't know who I am. And I would like to have at least one person know who I am in my life, and I would like that person to be me.”

Takeaways: A few hard lessons worth sharing:

• Identity and orientation are fluid and ever-evolving.

• Accept relationships for what they are ― complicated, flawed, and full of love.

• Self-improvement or self-discovery requires a lot of gentleness and acceptance.

• Sometimes, there are good reasons why we become control freaks or people pleasers.

• Giving up control is not something that comes easy. It requires practice.